thirty wonderful things

 

Thirty. It really feels like one of those milestone birthdays. This last year has been an incredible journey. When I turned 29 I was a new mom, stumbling my way to the next chapter of my life. As the pages keep turning, I find myself humbled by all that has happened and all the people who have lent a hand, some empathy and good company.

Here are 30 wonderful things I am grateful for as I complete my 29^th year.

 

- My sweet little growing daughter, Amelie, who has turned my world upside down and gave me a new start in life.

- My funny and loving hubby, Jeremiah. 

Celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary

- Our menagerie. Furry, feathered and finned.

- Yummy cakes made with love.

-The good fortune to work not only with an incredible group of young people but amazing, talented and caring colleagues.

- A trip to see the Dalys in Virginia, where everything slows down and the past is present.

- A hot cup of coffee with just the right amount of cream.

 - Donuts.

 - Having the luxury to witness birds in flight and other masterpieces each day.

- Our amazing, generous and giant family.

 - Girlfriends.

 - A good book. I’ve read many since Amelie was born: The Help by Kathryn Stockett, The Road by Cormac McCarthy, Momma Zen by Karen Maezen Miller, The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett, At the Gates of the Animal Kingdom by Amy Hempel, The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood and so many more.

 - French fries.

 - My daughter gets to grow up with views like this:

- Amazing works of art created by family and friends.

- Warm sunlight on my back.

- Any stretch of sleep that lasts longer than two hours.

- Our van that goes and goes, is comfy, fits almost anything into it and keeps our daughter safe.

- The library. My favorite use of tax dollars. 

- Loud, passionate female musicians. 

- Soft grass under our feet.

- My Mama.

- My Dad.

- Finding the time and giving myself the space to create, and the opening of my little shop.

- A trip to Kansas to see Amelie’s great grandparents and great-great grandparents. 

- Late nights with friends in the front yard.

- The big, open Colorado skies.

-  Long walks with fun companions to important destinations like McDonalds breakfast, garage sales and grazing cows. 

- All the family and friends who have traveled from far away to visit with us. 

- Discoveries.

 

mama love

Two weeks ago I just happened to pick up the novel The Secret Life of Bees, by Sue Monk Kidd. I finished it just hours before Mother’s Day began. The book speaks volumes about women, about mothers and daughters, their roles, and the power of love within that relationship. While reading it, I have been thinking of my own mother, my own daughter, beyond that my own grandmothers and great-grandmother, the five generations of women that we make. I am so blessed to have each of them in my life. 

Just a year ago, I discovered the intensity that motherhood invites and quietly realized how much my mom has done for me. There have been many moments where I have stood there, exhausted, sweating, smelling like spit up, with this tiny little person who is staking her entire existence on my wit. I’d look around, feeling desperate and alone, thinking - someone must understand!! It was then that I would know for sure: my mom does, she did this for me. Thank you, mama, for everything.

My Mama and Me

My daughter, Amelie, and me, last year on Mother's Day

In The Secret Life of Bees, the main character has to realize that her mother is not perfect, and she has to let go of the idealized version of her mother that she had created. I am certain that this self-realization becomes very obvious, very quickly, for all new moms. I remember telling Amelie during those first few days that I was sorry, I had no idea what I was doing, so we’d have to learn together. It’s still true. Just when I think I’m really catching on, she changes. I have to remind myself to let go and see where she takes me.

If there are many moments of self-pity as I struggled through those first months as a new mom, there are countless more moments of joy, so strong that sometimes I have felt the urge to get up and dance!

Lots of love today and everyday to all the mamas out there!